Fractured
by rosekatxo
Summary: Oneshot. Jac reflects on the day that turned her life upside down.


**A/N: so today is a year since Jac and Jasmine met on screen properly, and somehow this just felt right to post. Sorry for the feels. I didn't mean to write another oneshot, but it just happened!**

 **Also, next chapter of Protection will be up next week and I think you're all going to love what happens :)**

 _25/08/17._

Jac stared at Matteo's untidy scrawl. She'd been doing ward rounds for the past half hour when it suddenly occurred to her to check the theatre schedule, but for some reason her eyes had been instantly drawn to the date. The redhead couldn't remember there being any particular significance to it, but as soon as she'd noticed it, she'd felt a peculiar tug in her chest. Wracking her brain, she silently reeled off a list of important events wondering if she'd missed an anniversary or something. _Mo's birthday?_ No, that was in a couple of weeks, she'd already received a text from her former colleague inviting her for drinks down in London. _Hers and Jonny's anniversary?_ Although she wasn't the best at remembering dates, she knew she'd never have forgotten something like that. They may not be together any more (strictly speaking, at least), and they may not have been a proper couple long enough to celebrate, but Jac knew they'd first met somewhere around April, and got back together around that time too. No, it had to be something else.

"Jac, you okay?" She snapped her head around to find Zosia hovering by her elbow, looking slightly disconcerted. "You've been staring into space for a good five minutes now."

The redhead frowned. "What? Oh, right. Yeah. No, I'm fine." She hadn't realised so much time had passed, feeling a flash of annoyance at both herself, and Zosia for interrupting her train of thought. "Just thinking about a procedure. Don't you have work to do, Doctor March?" Jac replied brusquely, eliciting an eye roll from her junior as she swiftly made herself scarce. Shaking her head, Jac turned away and headed in the direction of her office. _Pull yourself together, Jac,_ she muttered to herself. _Whatever it is, it can't be that important_.

Reaching for the door handle, she entered her office, shutting the door so that nobody would disturb her. As the loud slam echoed around the room, however, a sudden thought struck her.

 _Oh._

25th August. _That's_ why the date felt so familiar. The day she'd returned from her break last summer. The day she'd found herself treating Guy Self's mother, alongside a new F1 who'd immediately impressed her. The day she'd found out that said F1 was in fact her long-lost half-sister. The day everything had started to unravel.

The day she'd met Jasmine Burrows for the first time.

Jac sank down into her chair, finding herself strangely overcome with emotion. She forcibly blinked back tears as the memories came to her, faster now. Jasmine approaching her with a proposal for the Herzig, Jac suitably impressed by her new junior doctor's drive. The two arguing with Guy in this very office, already on the same wavelength. Jac offering the girl the chance to observe her pitch to the board, an honour she'd rarely bestowed on anyone, never mind a newbie. Then the moment she'd tried (and failed) repeatedly to forget, a memory that haunted her for more than one reason.

" _I'm Jasmine Burrows. Hi, sis."_

Jac suppressed a sob that was threatening to burst out as Jasmine's voice rang out in her head, so full of life and hope. A year since the blonde had crashed into her life, her boundless energy and desperate longing to get to know Jac unsettling the fragile façade she'd built up over the years. 12 months since the redhead had lashed out in order to protect herself, rejecting Jasmine's offer of friendship and threatening the younger woman's career in the process. 365 days since she'd put her defences up, pretended the encounter hadn't affected her in the slightest, and began her crusade to make the F1 regret ever turning up at Holby.

66 days since her sister's death.

If only she hadn't felt so threatened by her past, by the memory of her mother and the scars that would never fade. If only she'd given Jasmine a chance that day. The blonde had been right in her assertion, Jac had enjoyed working with her more than she'd dared admit. For the first time in a long time, she'd found a protégé, somebody who shared her ambition and talent and sparkling wit. A kindred spirit, she'd thought. They'd bounced off each other well, and proved to be one hell of a team in theatre. But with five simple words, that had all fractured.

The consultant let her head fall into her hands, hot tears pricking the corners of her eyes. All of this was her fault. If she hadn't pushed Jasmine away that very first day, they could have had months together. All that time to get to know each other, to forge a relationship, and she'd destroyed it just like that.

Maybe, if she'd done the right thing, none of this would have happened.

Ric. Elinor. Serena. Fran. If Jac hadn't spent weeks making the F1's life a misery, they wouldn't have found themselves in this position. Her sister would still be here, brightening up every corner of the hospital. Not lying in the ground, robbed of her potential, gone without ever hearing the three words she'd dreamt of for as long as she could remember.

Salty tears tickled down porcelain cheeks, Jac no longer attempting to keep her composure in the sanctuary of her office. She still hadn't let herself grieve properly (in all honestly, she didn't think she ever would), but she didn't have the energy to fight her emotions any more. She reached down to retrieve her purse, scrabbling around desperately until she found the small key stashed away in the back pocket. Clumsily unlocking her desk drawer, her hands immediately flew to the folded piece of paper hidden towards the back, shaky hands trying to unwrap it without tearing the edges. There was a quiet _clunk_ as the object she'd been looking for fell out onto the wooden surface.

Jac wrapped her fingers around the dainty silver chain, enclosing the cool metal in her palm. She felt able to breathe easier now, comforted slightly by the only keepsake of her sister she possessed. The locket which had, ever since Morven had given it to her, been tucked away where nobody but she would ever know it existed. She'd thought it would be easier that way, to protect it, and bury her own feelings with it. But right now, she needed to feel it in her hands, a tangible reminder of the sister she'd never get the chance to know.

Flipping open the locket, Jac stared down at her own face alongside Jasmine's. Two innocent pairs of eyes stared back, so blissfully unaware of the pain and torment they'd later experience it made her heart clench tightly. Quickly closing it again, she raised the metal to her lips and gently kissed it, eyes squeezing shut as she did so.

"If I could go back and redo it all, I would. I'll never forgive myself for wasting so much time."

Brushing her red locks to the side, Jac reached up and slowly fastened the clasp around her neck, taking a few attempts as her hands wouldn't stay still. Once done she allowed her head to fall back, hands absent-mindedly finding the locket once more.

"I'm so sorry, Jasmine" she whispered. There wasn't much else she could say. Nothing would change the past. "I love you."


End file.
